DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
