So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
