you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
