Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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