I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
