Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
