hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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