Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
