She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
