you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
