Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
