Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize