Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
