Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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