I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
