Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
