I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
