you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
