Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
