Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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