I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
birth control should be required to get into college
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
