please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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