We're facebook friends in real life
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
