if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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