There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
