he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
