Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
