final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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