Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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