hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
