ugly people sure do ruin things
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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