It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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