glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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