Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
