2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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