I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize