What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
