Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
