it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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