i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
