you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Damn victory sex feels great
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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