Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
