pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
