If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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