i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
