I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We had sex on a dog bed..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
