The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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