You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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