Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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