I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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