Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i now understand why vodka
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
