i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
