Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize