no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize