The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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