We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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