You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize