i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
