My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
