do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
