He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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