haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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