I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
