I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
