She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
