Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
