I just pynch a tree in the face
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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