I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
